Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
