This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
