my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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