Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
