You just made me feel so damn special
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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