At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
