I wish I could teleport
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
