True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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