i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
