i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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