Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
