Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
