Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's shark week go big or go home
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
