Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
