Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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