Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
