so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
