I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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