I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
