Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
