Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
