Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
