what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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