The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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