i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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