I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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