they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
