I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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