So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
