The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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