After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
