woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
