omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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