I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
