my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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