My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
