I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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