I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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