her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
