I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
