i was rollin on her like bob the builder
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
