Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
