Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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