either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
