i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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