My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
