just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
