"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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