Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
