Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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