i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
