when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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